My Extension
- Abbie
- Nov 24, 2019
- 5 min read
Updated: Dec 9, 2019
So for those who know me, family, friends and those who follow me on social media many of you will know that I moved to the West Coast but some of you don't know why.
As an au pair you have to do at least 12 months in the US, once you've almost completed your year you can decide whether you would wish to extend for an additional 6, 9 or 12 months.
For some it's a no go and they're sure that they wanna go home, others are so certain that they want to stay. All in all there's a lot to consider and for me I went through stages where I missed home and wished I could be there but I'm pretty certain in the end that it was always a no brainer that I was going to stay.
Now the programme will give you the option to extend with your current family or give you the opportunity to extend with a new family elsewhere. Again, for some there's no way they could ever imagine starting over, somewhere new with a new family, there's no doubt that they could ever leave their first host family and for others they want to take the opportunity (and risk) of finding a new family and experience something different. The programme do charge a fee of $395 to extend no matter if you stay with your family or a new family. This fee basically covers new insurance for the 6,9 or 12 months you choose to extend. Now if you stay with the same family they might offer to pay for it for you but they are NOT obliged to.
For any future au pairs or current au pairs who are going to find themselves in this situation of making a decision pretty soon here's some advice and top tips:
1. Do what's best for YOU - As a person who often puts others before herself I feel this is really important for others similar to me to hear. When thinking about your decision to extend its definitely important to take others feelings into consideration but don't let that be the sole reason for your choice. You have to do it for yourself, do it because it's the best choice for you. Yes, others will be affected by your decision but they'll accept it and move on with life (eventually they'll forgive you and respect your choice). At the end of the day of its YOUR life and you shouldn't be living it for anyone other than YOURSELF.
2. Take your TIME - I mean eventually yes, you'll have to make a decision but you can start thinking about your options and decisions way ahead of time. All I'm saying is start thinking about it as soon as you can because the last thing you want is to leave it till last minute and make the wrong decision because you rushed it.
3. Talk to people - Just talk to everyone and anyone, advice costs nothing and hearing and seeing things from other peoples points of view is sometimes really eye opening. For me it really helped having my family, friends and people I cared about talk to me. Being able to see things from other peoples perspectives is important and other people (especially people you care about) can help with that. For me my family were some of the best people to talk to and discuss everything with. Although, the only downside to talking to your family is that they're not here and however much I love my family they don't fully understand the situation. This is where talking to other au pairs (current or previous), your local childcare coordinator and support groups really come in handy. They've been where you are, they understand all the things you're going through and have been in your shoes. Talk to your LCC, get in touch with your programme (mine was Cultural Care) that's what they're there for and use that to your advantage. Also, speak with your host family and always be honest with them about everything. Tell them what you're thinking and they might be able to offer you some advice and help with your decision.
4. Weigh up your options - Options, you have plenty of them and they're yours to analyse and think about in detail. It's important for you to really think about them all and be open to anything. For me when I was struggling to make a decision I make a list, of pro's and con's. I did this for months leading up and I would just add anything to the list no matter how big or small. Then when I had done, when there was nothing left I could possibly think of I reread back over it and re-thought about what I had wrote and it really helped a lot.
5. Go with YOUR GUT INSTINCT - Not so long ago my Dad gave me some of the best advice, always go with your gut because its rarely ever wrong. When i'm ever in a situation or need to make a choice I aways thinking about my gut feeling. A lot of people say follow your heart but I agree with my Dad always follow your gut, mine hasn't been wrong yet. I think when you know, you just know, you might not know your decision instantly (or you might) but it could take tine but when you know that'll be it and you'll just know it's the right thing to do.
6. DON'T feel guilty about your decision - Now the time will come to make a decision and you'll have to let the people around you, the people you care about, loved ones, friends, boyfriend/girlfriends and your host family the choice you've made. Now as someone who has the tendency to always feel guilty, if you're the same, DON'T (or at least try not to) The decision was your's to make, you did what you thought was best and right for you and nobody can blame you or make you feel bad for that. Although, for sure some people might but just try not to let it affect you, anybody who does that in my opinion truly doesn't care for you. Of course your decision could hurt others and definitely affect others but they'll eventually get over it and you have to put yourself first. Also just think about what they would do in your position they'd probably do whats best for them. So, the key is to not think about them, think about YOU.
For me it was a rocky road of second guessing myself and trying to find out what I really wanted. Those of you that know me know that making a decision is basically impossible for me, this really tested that and made me push myself to make a decision. It really helped with my personal development in decision making and gave me some confidence that I can make a decision and if it ends up being the wrong decision, that's ok.
The months leading up to me making my decision were horrible, it was a really rough time for me and I would say this was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. So I decided to extend with another family somewhere new but that doesn't mean that I don't love my previous host family. They're my family, Charlottesville is my home and I don't have enough words to describe how much I love them and I always will. In the end I just had to do what was right for me, I had my reasons and this was the best decision for me.
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